Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Times of India (unintentional) Funny Pages

George Carlin, one of my favorite comedians, recently died. This is a huge loss as George was possibly the world’s greatest observer of social stupidity. The world needs more people who look at things from completely different points of view; George did that superbly.

I can’t hope to compete with George but in his honor I present a collection of articles from the Times of India which, unintentionally, are hilarious, strange or blatently wrong. That's what George did to perfection, find the humor and ridiculousness in the things most of us completely gloss over as we go about our lives.

So George, this one's for you....

Before going further I do want to note that the Times of India is a relatively good paper that I get daily. It is informative and does a good job of covering local issues. Every now and then however it seems like the editorial staff all take a vacation at the same time….

Obviously amusment park rides malfunctioning is a very dangerous thing but in this case the ferris wheel just became stuck. The firemen did a great job getting everyone down safely but does that really merit the caption on the picture where they are called "Bravehearts". They rescued 25 people in about 1 hr; 2 minutes per person. Is that really the same as charging into the swords of the English army attempting to gain freedom for Scotland?

This is just amazing and the most creative heading they could come up with is "Using His Head"? How about "But where does he put the cup holder?"

Indian politics rely almost exclusively on subtlety. Very seldom do Indians say anything in black & white terms. When a politician says "That may not be a good idea" it means "You should have your lips sewn shut for even thinking such a stupid thing let alone saying it out loud." On the rare occassions when somene does make a blunt statement the Times of India is there to put it back in proper indirect terms. The author says the army has hinted it would place no more orders for the Arjun main battle tank. Lt. General Dalip Bharadwaj is quoted in the very next sentence as saying "(The) Army will place no more orders for Arjun beyond the 124 already contracted." That's a pretty good "Hint".
This guy had a hair transplant and not only does the Times think it looks great, he is actually a sex-symbol here. Must be the jacket made from old Notre Dame football helmets.

I've used this one in a prior posting but it is too good not to include. Politicians seek the "blessing" of a particular herd of sheep to assure election success. There is also a little known herd of goats that can ensure you won't get caught speeding.

A woman was literally thrown from a moving train and killed because she didn't have a ticket. Wouldn't a more appropriate headline be "Holy Shit! Some idiot threw a woman from a moving train and killed her just because she didn't have a ticket!"

OK Minnesotans the next one is going to come as quite a shock to you and you may want to write a your legislator if you can figure out who it is....


The caption reads: "Contestants dressed as aliens participate in a costume contest during the UFO festival in Roswell, New Minnesota. Now not only is the government covering up evidence of a UFO crash in Roswell, they've unilaterally decided to merge Minnesota and New Mexico. Why couldn't we merge with a cool state like Colorado or Rhode Island?


Maybe it was the aliens in Roswell, New Minnesota. They're always experimenting on cows.

And lastly... We have a new Chief Minister (sort of like a governor) in the state of Karnataka. His name is BS Yeddyurappa. At first the papers were calling him by the nickname "Yeddy". This is a guy who recently changed the spelling of his last name based upon the advice of his astrologer. Evidently in numerology the letters didn't add up to a very lucky number so Yeddiurappa became Yeddyurappa (given that the astrologer didn't recommend something besides "BS" for the first initials of a politician I'm not sure how much stock I'd put in his advice). It isn't surprising therefore that he's particular about his nicknames too. At his request he is now referred to as BSY. Could there be something deeper underlying this however. Something more sinister that would shock India and ruin his political career. I wonder....







Thanks George.


















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