Oct. 26, 2007: Tequila and a Massage

On Friday after work a group went to TGI Friday's - yes, there is a TGI Friday's in Bangalore. We were sitting outside on the deck and apart from the swarm of miniature dragonflys (which mysteriously disappeared after 30 minutes), constantly honking horns, and parking lot guards freely using referree whistles to direct cars, it was just like the US.

Two hours, four margaritas; relying on drivers to get around does have advantages, and a lot of laughs into the evening the spirit of Rod Serling decided to join us in form of Tequila Man. Yes, Tequila Man. During happy hour a mild mannered TGI Friday's employee diligently providing margaritas and chicken wings to tables of Target ex-pats but when the clock chimes 9:00 pm an oversized sombraro and bandolier of shot glass transform him into Tequila Man.

Tequila man used his superior mind control powers to convince me to do a shot of tequila. A blazing shot-glass-quick-draw from the bandolier and I was in business. At this point a minor tequila procedural disagreement occurred. I contended the proper process to do a tequila shot is salt-shot-lime. I can't be 100% certain but Tequila Man seemed to be telling me to do shot-lime-salt. Now, I may not be a licensed Tequila Man but I did attend the University of Wisconsin, nuf' said. Fortunately we reached a compromise when Tequila Man squeezed lime juice on the salt on my hand. After that the shot itself was relatively uneventful but then things got strange.

I'm not sure why, maybe it was my nonchallant mastery of tequila shots, but Tequila Man started to give me a congratulatory neck massage much to the delight of my co-workers. I have to admit, at first it felt good and well deserved, afterall I owned that shot. After 15-20 seconds however, I was ready for a final "well done" slap on the back. After 45 seconds I was ready to call my driver to rescue me. When it finally ended after about 60 seconds I had vowed to give up tequila forever. The follwing chart shows graphically the relationship between time and massage awkwardness:



The moral of the story - when a strange man in a huge sombraro offers you a shot of tequila do the shot but make sure he isn't standing behind you when you finish.