Anyone Hungary?

Even before arriving in Bangalore I joined the Bangalore Expats Club (BEC). The BEC is a large organization of expats from all over the world. I've met people from China, Malaysia, Finland, Norway, Germany, France, England, Hungary and a dozen other countries. During the winter months I constantly entertained myself by asking people from "cold" places like Norway and Russia the average temperature back home. 100% of the time Minnesota/Minneapolis was colder. If you are reading this in Minneapolis congratulations, you are surviving in one of coldest cities on earth. I had it rough in India too though. Delhi had to cancel school several days because of the unbearable cold. It got down to 37F! Before anyone asks how I possibly survived such hardship remember Bangalore is far south of Delhi. We dipped down into the 50's a couple times causing parents to bundle kids from head to toe but to my knowledge no fatalities resulted and school went on as planned.

Back to the BEC. In addition to a weekly happy hour on Friday night the BEC also holds many charity events. The most recent was a Black & White Ball - everyone had to wear only black and white. Maybe this is a challenge for parts of the world less chromatically challenged than America but given that everyone in corporate America (myself included) owns at least 3 black suits and 7 white shirts, it wasn't too difficult. I upped the difficulty level by wearing a black jacket from here and a white shirt from Egypt.

There was a silent auction with all proceeds going to charity at which I won an authentic home-cooked Hungarian dinner. I had no idea at the time what Hungarian cooking meant, Hungarian goulash jokes notwithstanding. As far as I knew Hungarians ate Turkey deep fried in Greece (ba dum bump - even I have to admit that is a horrible joke).

The president of the BEC, Barbara, is a friend of mine. Barbara is originally from Hungary. She and her husband Robert had just returned from a trip there. She brought back a good supply of Hungarian spices and ingredients. Since she was going to do the cooking I had absolute confidence the meal would be good. I attended a charity Christmas cookie baking party which she organized so I was well aware of the kind of kitchen Barbara runs. Let's just say when she assigns you to put sugar on cookies you damn well better start sprinkling sugar NOW!

After a 2 month delay we finally found a day on which we were both free. Along a couple other epicurian Targeteers I went to Barbara's house for my first taste of Hungarian cooking. The meal was fantastic! We all enjoyed an eggplant appetizer, drunken chicken (chicken marinated in white wine), the most delicious potato dish I've had in a long, long, time, and apple strudel for desert. Along the way we also took care of a bottle of Hungarian wine. In addition to being great cooks, the Hungarians know how to make wine!

So THANK-YOU Barbara for a great meal and introducing me to Hungarian cooking. This was the best 2700 rupees I've spent yet!

Politicians, can't live with 'em; pass the beer nuts

It is election time in the state of Karnataka.

In almost every aspect of Indian society it is easy to point out the differences between India and the US. Politics is no different. There are more parties, multi-day elections, different election rules and much higher voter turnout.


My personal opinion however is the similarities outnumber the differences in virtually every situation. It is eminently more fun to look for similarities, the parallels, the underlying patterns that, at the end of the day, lead to that most philosophical, metaphysical, perpetual conclusion; people are people. If nothing else, it keeps me humble since it requires me to sit back and realize how strange are my customs and those of America.

Just as American politicians "promise" to fix everything they consider broken when there is no way for them to know if their policies will be successful (think gas prices, national debt, Iraq, poverty, education, etc. etc. etc.) so to do Indian politicians make unrealisitc promises; world-class infrastructure, free power to farmers, no power outages, ending government corruption, etc. etc. etc.

Politicians everywhere also seem willing to try anything, no matter how ridiculous or gimmicky, to get elected. In the US we get classics like "baby-kissing; anyone who can kiss a helpless infant incabable of objecting is obviously qualified to hold a political post and bus & train tours to connect with the "average" American. Setting aside the fact there is no "average American", if bus and train tours are such an effective way to find out what the people are thinking why are they only done during campaigns? And my personal favorite, contemporary political ads that say with absolute certainty and sincerity you should cast your vote based up the fact that "My opponent is worse than me."

Again, Indian politicians are just as savvy regarding gimmicky campaign tactics from giving away TVs to anyone who will promise to vote for them to providing free booze at campaign rallies (Karnataka actually had to impose a ban on importation of liquor from neighboring states to prevent mass political inebriation. If only it was as easy to prevent politicians from sounding like they spend too much time in meetings with their good Buddies Weiser and Jimmy Beam). They also widely subscribe to the "My opponent is worse than me" strategy.

This election season however, has given me a new favorite political gimmick (as well as finally bringing me to the point of this posting). The headline of an article from The Times of India says it all:

I don't know if the article is legible, clicking the picture should open a larger version but just in case, here is the executive summary:

Some time in the past a shepherd named Balomama who was later declared a saint, gave 1100 sheep to his followers. The descendants of these sheep are now free-range, weed-eating, fertilizer generators for which farmers pay their current shepherds nominal amounts. The sheep also have the ability to guarantee an election victory to any politician who dresses up like a shepherd and performs a pooja (religious offering) to them. The caption of the picture reads: "Basaravaj Bommai (center), dressed as a shepherd, performs a pooja to seek the blessings of sheep at the Balomama jatre." Another political hopeful is quoted in the article as saying, "I am confident I will win this time to serve the people."

There was no analysis of which political parties the sheep seem to prefer based upon prior election results.

Back to People are People... on the surface this may seem ridiculous (it certainly does to me and based on the sheep's expression I'm pretty sure it does to him too) but as I thought about it more it occurred to me that American politicians are doing the same thing when they seek endorsments from religious groups. To really take the analogy to the extreme, religious leaders often call their followers "flocks". When a politician makes a point of being seen in a church or seeks the support of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, or the current politico-religious leader du jour, as they very often do, they are really seeking to gain the votes of "the flock", in other words, seeking the approval of the sheep. The difference is these sheep actually have the right to vote and would be equally at home shepherded by Roger Waters as by their given pastor.


Closing note: Roger Waters was the main lyricyst for Pink Floyd. On their classic 1977 album Animals, he used various animals, dogs, pigs, and sheep, as metaphors for types of people and human behavior. In the song "Sheep", about those who blindly follow their leaders and live by the motto "Ignorance is Bliss", he wrote:

Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland away
Only dimly aware of a certain unease in the air
You better watch out
There may be dogs about


I've looked over Jordan and I have seen
Things are not what they seem.


What do you get for pretending the danger's not real
Meek and obedient you follow the leader
Down well trodden corridors into the valley of steel
What a surprise!
A look of terminal shock in your eyes
Now things are really what they seem
No, this is no bad dream.

Sri Lanka weekend - April '08

I spent April 4-6 in Sri Lanka with 3 friends from Target. Sri Lanka is a tiny, tropical island nation off the southern tip of India. It is also a short 90 minute flight from Bangalore.

We arrived in the capital, Colombo late on Friday night April 4. We met our guide Joseph at the airport. The first thing he asked us to do was give his van a push as the starter wasn't working. The rest of the weekend he always parked on a hill. Fortunately in a mountainous country it is pretty easy to find hills on which to park.

The next morning we needed to be up early to get to our first stop, the Elephant Orphanage by 9:30 am to see the elephants getting fed. Since it was a 3 hr drive we had to leave at 6:00. Getting up at 5:00 am did allow me to see the sunrise at our hotel. We were at a beachside hotel. This outrigger canoe was well up on the beach waiting for high tide so the fisherman could put it in.

On the drive to the town of Kandy, where the elephant orphanage is located, we got our first good look at Sri Lanka.

Welcome to the Jungle... I'm the one in the "Indiana Jones" hat. Whenever I wear this hat I want to be referred to as Indiana Balthazor

This was an unplanned elephant ride. Riding an elephant is extraordianarily uncomfortable. We only did the 15 minute ride. A 30 min. and 45 min .option were available. We all agreed 15 min. was plenty for our elephant-unaccostomed asses.

Street scenes and signs can be the most interesting sites. Anyone want to shop at the House of Bag or grab a snack at the Eat Me Food Court?

The elephant orphanage currently has about 70 elephants. The majority of the heard was hanging out in a palm tree grove when we arrived. Soon however it was time for their morning bath and drink.

The elephants bathe in a nearby river. To get to the river they walk down a street of shops to the river bank. I took two videos of the procession. I can't figure out how to rotate the 2nd one so you'll have to look at it sideways.

Elephants eat a lot of wood. Since paper is made of wood pulp it is possible to make paper from all the undigested pulp in elephant poop. Don't believe me. Read the sign...

In manufacturing these are known as raw material and finished goods...


I made a new friend along the way. Isn't he cute. (I think it is a "he", I didn't really do a thorough inspection)

Another unplanned stop was an herb farm. They grow everything from coffee to pineapple, to cinnamon and cardamon. All of which they make into medicinal oils and cooking spices. The guide did tell us that the reason people in India and Sri Lanka eat such spicey foods is that you have to maintain the internal and exteranal temperatures the same or the body gets unbalanced and you will have health problems. Riiigth... By that reasoning everyone in MN should stick to a diet of ice cream and popcicles from Nov. - Apr. I didn't tell him that though.

Lunch was at a restaurant the seems to have trouble keeping track of the calendar.

And then we finally arrived in Kandy. Kandy is a beautiful city in the mountains. The roads in Kandy are almost wide enough to accomodate the busses that routinely travel on them. Usually they were going the opposite direction as us. Since they were bigger we generally had to pull waaaay over to let them by.

A performance of traditional Sri Lankan dances was pretty cool especially the grand finale; fire walking.

This was the downtown shopping bazaar in Kandy. You could find everything from counterfeit Polo shirts to counterfeit Rolexes and even some shoes with an interesting brand name.
By walking next to this Buddhist monk I'm trying to gain total enlightenment on my death bed so at least I'll have that going for me, which is nice.


Finally, a nice hotel. If you are ever in Sri Lanka I highly recommend it. It would probably be easier to find if I could remember the name.

The last stop before returning to Colombo was an incredible botanical garden just outside Kandy.


The trees and bamboo grow incredibly large in tropical climates.

Apparently this guy lounging in the middle of the garden misunderstood "Botanical" as "Bovine" baa-dum-bum.
One section of the garden had a path lined with evergreens that were completely innundated with fruit bats. Each of the dark spots on this tree is bat. Fruit bats are huge. They have a wingspan of around 2.5 feet. They look about twice as large as a pigeon when they fly. We have them in Bangalore too but I've never seen so many at once.

This is a single tree that covers almost 2000 sq meters (that's about 21,500 sq ft to you and me)

On the way back to Colombo the jungle did exactly what I thought a jungle should do; after a hot muggy morning we had an afternoon rain. After the rain the jungle was steaming and clouds rolled over the tree tops.



It was a gret weekend but I guess I got a little tired by the end of 3 full days.

Baked Easter Eggs

A couple days before Easter I had the bright idea to color Easter Eggs (no pun intended). A few fellow Targeteers were interested so I undertook the task of finding the required materials. As with most things unique to America this is more difficult than going to the nearest Target and buying one of the 38 different Paaz Easter Egg decorating kits in the Easter display.

My driver Stephen is a Christian and attends church regularly. Assuming if anyone would know about Easter eggs it would be him I asked on Thursday night "Stephen, do people in India make Easter eggs?" He paused for a few seconds; this should have been my first clue to engage the 'misunderstanding early warning system or MEWS' but I missed my cue. "Yes, yes, Easter egg."

"Good, some of us are going to decorate Easter Eggs at my apartment on Saturday.
I'll need eggs, white vinegar and food coloring. Do you know where to get food coloring?"

Had I been less eager to believe it could actually be this easy I would have recognized that I'd just made Classic Ex-Pat Mistake #4; Trying to put things into context.

"Uh, Fatima Bakery, very famous bakers."
"Ok, so you are going to get food coloring at the bakery. Sounds good."
"Uhh."
This brief exchange is a fabulous example Classic Ex-Pat Mistake #7; Reading between the lines and finding meaning that isn't there.

As a side note, Stephen says "Uhh" a lot. He has many cell phone conversations with another driver Shankar, in which the entire conversation seems to constist of "Uh Shankar, uhh, ahh, naa, ahh, ya-ya, ok." Shankar drives for Todd. I asked Todd once what Shankar says during these conversations. He said it is about the same on his end and he assumed Stephen was saying something more. But back to the Easter Eggs...

Friday morning I gave Stephen the shopping list. This is it verbatim:

4 dozen eggs (48)
Food Coloring / Dye
White Vinegar - It has to be white / clear

Note how I used highly explicit clarifiers to avoid misunderstanding; 4 dozen = 48, coloring is the same as dye, etc. Classic Ex-Pat Mistake #12; Forgetting the law of Synonym Asymetry - don't assume what is a synonym for you is also a synonym for someone in India. Or, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, in India its probably a goose.

Everything seemed fine so I settled into work for the day. At 11:30 Stephen came into my office or cabin as it is called here (see what I mean about Synonym Asymetery). He had a cake box in hand and a smile on his face. He opened the cake box to reveal 4 exquisitely decorated, egg-shaped cakes each about 5 times the size of a real egg.

"Did you buy 48 of these," I asked increduliously?
"Yes, Yes. Easter Egg."
"This isn't exactly what I wanted Stephen. I just want to take chicken eggs and turn them colors."
A quick web search produced a nice picture of what I consider to be "Easter Eggs".

"Ooh, ya ya, that different Paul."
"So what do we do," I asked, fully assuming I would be giving Easter egg cake to everyone I knew.

"I return."
"You can return bakery items?" It was at this point that I realized what he was actually telling me when he said 'Fatima Bakery' the day before. I'm slow but eventually I get there.
"Ya ya."
"Ok, so you will return these and get 48 chicken eggs, food coloring and vinegar." Notice how I eliminated all the elaboration, adjectives, clarifiers, and context. Again, a little slow sometimes but eventually the light bulb pops on.

That night I got home and there were 48 eggs in the fridge; food coloing and vinegar on the counter. I don't know what ever happened to the cakes.

So the moral of the story: Eventually I'll learn to just say "Stephen I need 48 eggs, food coloring and vinegar" then close my mouth. I'm virtually positive I'll get 48 eggs, food coloring and vinegar on the first try.

Here's what it was all for... Happy Easter

Paul - This India

One morning there were several men with shovels removing dirt and trash from the open storm drain that runs along my street. The storm drain is essentially a concrete trench about 2 feet deep. The dirt and trash being removed was being piled on the already too narrow steet. When they had finished, the dirt/garbage conglomeration was about 2 feet high (hence my estimate that the trench is about 2 feet deep - 9 yrs of college at work).

I asked my driver Stephen what this was all about.
"Cleaning Paul"
OK, made sense. As much as they dug from the trench it seemed like cleaning was definitely needed.

2 weeks went by and the piles were still on the street. Being the inquisitive guy I am I asked Stephen what was going to be done with it. Talking through a little smile and chuckle he simply responded "Paul, this India." I had to laugh with him since what he was really saying was "You've been here 4 months now. Haven't you learned anything yet? Nothing is going to happen to those piles. Eventually they will end up back in the same trench and a new group of men with shovels will dig it out and pile it on the street again. This is India afterall." I could almost hear Elton John singing Circle of Life.

Takin' a Walk on the Wild Side

Visit to Kabini and Bandipur National Parks

Several of us decided to take a walk on the wild side and visit two national parks; Kabini and Bandipur, about 200 miles from Bangalore. We had the great fortune to travel with Zafer Khan, a gentleman who is very passionate about the environment and animals and is also part owner of the first jungle lodges at which we stayed.

The Jungle Lodges in Kabini were very remote. We had to park our cars, take an 8 km jeep ride, then a 3 km boat ride to reach them.
Safety first - actually the boat is in very good condition. The dock has to be very portable since the water level falls several feet during the dry season and it needs to be moved regularly.

The jungle lodge itself was in a gorgeous setting. This is the dining building. Sitting here just watching the lake, drinking a beer in the cool breeze I couldn't help thinking of the lyrics of an old song I remember from college: It's just the good life passin' you by. Let the clean, clean waters takes us away til we all stand naked on judgement day. I wish I could remember who sang it so I could try to download it.
The lawn mower is very fuel efficient...

In the late afternoon we took a boat safari looking for animals that come to the lake to drink at dusk.


We were fortunate enough to see one elephant feed on the banks. He was a big tusker in Zafer's words.



Birds, peackock, deer....

The sunset in Kabini was the most beautiful and colorful I've seen in years. You'll have to forgive me for posting so many pictures of it...






Leaving Kabini we passed this group of school kids walking home. Even out here all the kids wear school uniforms.
I was reminded just how large the gap between the "haves" and "have-nots" is in India. The picture above is a village school being built from hand made, sun dried bricks.

Zafer also is also constructing tree house guest houses on another location. This is the first one. It wasn't quite finished but was complete enough for me to check out the view.


Back at the cars a mother monkey and her baby had chosen the car as a good place to pass the afternoon.

This was one of the residents of the lodge at which we stayed in Bandipur. She was in the same exact place in the morning as the night before. Fortunately I didn't need to stay in this room. Not many things in nature bother me. Spiders are one of the things that do.

Our group with a 52 yr old tame elephant. We were quite a group. As Andy (second guy from the right) said we had a guy dressed like he should be on safari (Wade), one dressed like he was on his way to a track meet (him), a hippie (me), a girl on her way to Abercrombie & Fitch (Sue) and Will (he didn't fit any stereotypes)

Funny story about this termite mound... I walked up to it looking for termites. Our driver said "Oh very dangerous. Snakes." Now I've been a National Geographic subscriber for 15 yrs and I've seen enough nature shows to know a termite mound so I figured he was messing with the silly American. I said, "No this is a termite mound." "Very dangerous. Snakes," was his reply. So I asked Zafer if he was just f-----g with me. "No, cobras often like to live in old termite mounds. We actually saw a little one in that mound last year." No more sticking my face over termite mounds or questioning my driver.

Wild boars. The animal Sue dubbed the "ugliest" in the forest. These particular boars were right outside our lodge. As were a trained mother elephant and her calf.

All together everyone say "Ooooh, how cute!"

In Bandipur we did a jeep safari. When it was almost over a elephant behind us trumpeted. No one had seen it until then. He didn't seem too happy about us disturbing his morning. Our driver stopped so we could get a good view and take pictures. Jumbo then started to charge our jeep! Zafer was understandably worried; elephants are the most dangerous animals in the forest. They are big, fearless, and unpredictable. The big bulls are also pretty bad tempered.

Zafer's comments for the next 30 seconds are rather funny in hindsight:
He's going to charge we should go
No, its a mock charge. Take pictures
No, he really is going to charge
No, its a mock. Take pictures...

Jumbo then settled the debate by walking calmly away.