Oct. 26, 2007: Tequila and a Massage

On Friday after work a group went to TGI Friday's - yes, there is a TGI Friday's in Bangalore. We were sitting outside on the deck and apart from the swarm of miniature dragonflys (which mysteriously disappeared after 30 minutes), constantly honking horns, and parking lot guards freely using referree whistles to direct cars, it was just like the US.

Two hours, four margaritas; relying on drivers to get around does have advantages, and a lot of laughs into the evening the spirit of Rod Serling decided to join us in form of Tequila Man. Yes, Tequila Man. During happy hour a mild mannered TGI Friday's employee diligently providing margaritas and chicken wings to tables of Target ex-pats but when the clock chimes 9:00 pm an oversized sombraro and bandolier of shot glass transform him into Tequila Man.

Tequila man used his superior mind control powers to convince me to do a shot of tequila. A blazing shot-glass-quick-draw from the bandolier and I was in business. At this point a minor tequila procedural disagreement occurred. I contended the proper process to do a tequila shot is salt-shot-lime. I can't be 100% certain but Tequila Man seemed to be telling me to do shot-lime-salt. Now, I may not be a licensed Tequila Man but I did attend the University of Wisconsin, nuf' said. Fortunately we reached a compromise when Tequila Man squeezed lime juice on the salt on my hand. After that the shot itself was relatively uneventful but then things got strange.

I'm not sure why, maybe it was my nonchallant mastery of tequila shots, but Tequila Man started to give me a congratulatory neck massage much to the delight of my co-workers. I have to admit, at first it felt good and well deserved, afterall I owned that shot. After 15-20 seconds however, I was ready for a final "well done" slap on the back. After 45 seconds I was ready to call my driver to rescue me. When it finally ended after about 60 seconds I had vowed to give up tequila forever. The follwing chart shows graphically the relationship between time and massage awkwardness:



The moral of the story - when a strange man in a huge sombraro offers you a shot of tequila do the shot but make sure he isn't standing behind you when you finish.

Oct. 24, 2007: 5-Star Wildlife

As I await my apartment or flat being readied I am staying at the Windsor Hotel. The Windsor is a 5-Star hotel - checkout their website http://www.starwoodhotels.com/sheraton/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=429 It is a wonderful hotel with fantastic marble & wood work, plush persian carpets and beautiful artwork throughout. It has all the things that would be expected in any western 5-star hotel, excellent staff, restaurants, workout facilities, $10 massages at the spa, etc. It also has a few things that are not standard in western hotels. The following anecdote is about one of them....

This morning, my first in Bangalore after arriving at 2:00 am, which my body foolishly believed to be 2:00 pm, I decided to have a cup of coffee at the Irish Pub in my Indian hotel; multi-culturalism is running wild. Unfortunately that was not the only thing running wild. As I was enjoying a good cup of coffee and trying to make sense of the cricket match on the TV (anyone who says cricket is similar to baseball would confuse a Ferrai with a Hyundai), something caught my peripheral vision. I first thought "just a shadow" but then saw the shadow had 4 legs & a long tail. Yes, a rat was running around the lobby of my 5 star hotel. The waiter profusely appologized. Being the calm, level-headed person I am, I merely replied that "I just wanted to make sure you saw the same thing". At that point the "rat removal squad" (two guys with brooms and baskets) quickly sprang into what can only be described as much-too-practiced action.

Growing up on a farm is going to come in handy. Who wants to visit first?